Wyoming~ what a state! I went there on Tuesday.
They gave me free money and the keys to a car. It rocked! I thought, “Wow, these guys need to promote this.”
So I thought about it. There are easy and there are hard ways to promote your state.
Give out money and cars.
Wait a gazillion years for some geyser to form, for a bunch of guys on an expedition to happen by it in 1870, form Yellowstone National Park in 1872 and wait for the tourists to show up.
But…You have to come through on your promotion…
Old Faithful Geyser has been pretty darn predictable for almost 150 years. This promotion didn’t turn out to be so.
The Totally Wacked Out Plan
If you’ve been following our Facebook page recently, you know we are in the market for a hearse (stay with me on this it’s relevant). Our wild and wacky grand scheme is to pilot a hearse, (you don’t drive these things you definitely pilot them) across the country, preferably on dirt roads. Yep, the worst vehicle EVER for this. Oh and we desperately want it to be black with flames on the hood.
And…since it’s got SO much room once you pull out the dead people, we thought we would provide a humanitarian service along the way by delivering “whatever” from town to town.
So we’ve been on a mission to find the hearse. We test piloted one in Dallas, boring white but hell it was within the price range. But when the AC proved more like a heater and the back end started smoking, we chalked it up to a joy ride around the Metroplex and kept looking.
Another one came available in Bonham, some sleepy hamlet outside Dallas. It was at a dealership. So I inquired about “leasing” the vehicle, driving it 3000 miles, letting them put a trillion ads on the thing for exposure and then bringing it back. The dealership liked the idea…the owner never responded to my call. You just gotta find people who believe in your dream….sigh….
Then Came Wyoming
Onward to Wyoming. Three weeks ago on our drive to Texas we passed by this kick ass hearse on the side of the road. It was white fading to black and the top was completely covered in skulls. No flames but we could compromise here. Now, on the return trip with no hearse in sight, we decided to call on this one. But of course, it was just on the side of some road in some town in Wyoming. Remembering what the nearby “big” town was (2000 people) I called the local funeral home. “Oh yeah,” he said “that’s up in Frannie, I’ve passed by it. Call OK Used Cars.” Gotta love small towns.
The Deal Going Down
We set up a meeting. We could feel that this thing just might go down. They wanted $3795 for it, but we would bargain hard.
We course corrected at Casper, took the back roads, the dirt roads and roads without numbers up to Frannie, Wyoming, population 157. It didn’t take more than a glance to find the place. Debbie had the hearse out front and ready for us to drive on home. It was a 1979, blue interior, old time speedo and of course, the bright light switch on the floor next to the brake.
Free Car and Free Money
Debbie walked out and handed us the keys. Have fun, do whatever. Then she handed me a $20. I was loving this…Go to Wyoming, find a small town, get the keys to the city, or at least the hearse and a twenty. She mentioned that it was low on gas and we should head over to the gas station….12 miles away, thus the $20. Okay, cool.
We did some checking under the hood, yep the engine was in there (about all I know about cars). But the engine was hot. I realized she had been running it to be sure it
A. Started and
We peaked under the vinyl top covering…hmmm total rust. Alright let’s get this puppy on the road. We hopped in and I couldn’t reach the pedal. No problem, hit the electric seat button. Nothing. Okay, so we got out, pushed the button and with some coaxing, managed to move the entire seat (no bucket seats in 1979).
She started right up (of course) and I threw her in gear. You don’t really “peel” out in an 18 foot 3 ton “boat” so I cruised out of the lot and onto the two lane. Cranked the AC (damn, nothing but hot air again and it wouldn’t turn off). Okay, so we’re beginning to realize that getting the keys to the car in Wyoming might not be the best promo.
But I punched the pedal to the metal and she lumbered up to speed….35…40…50…55… a little squirrelly but still keeping speed. One mile out of town, two miles… 65mph….good good.
Enter engine light, exit power steering, exit power brakes. With all my weight I leaned on the brakes as this MASS of hearse kept right on moving….
I started to pull over…complete die off (no pun intended). Dead soldier on the side of highway 310…Frannie, Wyoming, population 157.
No engine, no go. No traffic. Lonesome road. Hot sun. On a Tuesday.
So, I said to Sharkman, “How far do you think this will get us across the country?”
We burst into hysterics…nothing else to do. On the side of the road with a skull laden hearse and twenty bucks in my pocket and no place to spend it.
Now what? Well…..guess we should do a photo shoot!
Back to Frannie, population 157. Thumb out and wait for a ride. This could take awhile, might as well start walking…..
Finally a pharmaceutical rep. from Billings happened by and took pity on us two souls on the side of the road with a broken down hearse….with skulls on it. Brave man.
We pulled into the Okay Used Car Lot. Debbie came out with a confused look.
No hearse. No gas…perhaps no engine, not sure which.
Here are the keys and the $20. Your hearse is down the road. See ya.
So with no keys to the car and no free money we headed on down the trail and out of Wyoming.
Perhaps we should go see that geyser. I’ve heard it’s pretty faithful….
Know of a reliable cheap hearse for sale? let us know!